


Class Pet Named Peanut

by dangancrackfics



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 15:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15004148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dangancrackfics/pseuds/dangancrackfics
Summary: Mrs. Yukizome had complained to Hajime that she had always wanted a class pet. After checking with Jin Kirigiri if it was okay, Hajime helped pick out a cute little bird. The students all react differently to their new feathered friend...





	Class Pet Named Peanut

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic on archive! I had several posts over on fanfiction.net but that place is pretty dead so i migrated over here. Anyways, this is the fist crackfic with the sdr2 kids i've done. 
> 
> *Warning* this is a crack fic! So don't expect anything . . . normal

I think this is the 5th crack fic? Idk, I kinda lost count after my long ass hiatus. 

“You think it’s venomous?” Souda whispered, staring into the giant cage with fearful eyes. The boy next to him slowly turned his head towards the mechanic with a -_- look on his face. “Are you asking if a fucking bird is venomous?” Souda scoffed, “Anything is possible, soul bro. Those things are dangerous. A bird straight up starting pecking at my arm once!”Hinata put his hands in his pockets with a sigh. “That’s probably because you look like a giant French fry in that stupid jumpsuit.” 

“Hey!”

The door to the classroom slammed open.

“Pizza roll attack!”

“AAAAAAAAAAA SAIONJI NO. STOP. WHY DIDN’T YOU AT LEAST WARM THEM UP?!!”

“MWAHAHAHAHAH EAT MY FROZEN NUGGETS YOU SOGGY BAGELS!”

The S.S. Koizumi knew she had to step in and control her toddler, but seeing Hinata and Souda trying to dodge pizza rolls *was* pretty amusing.   
“Sqwak! Soggy bagels! Soggy bagels!”

Koizumeme’s attention was then caught by the giant bird cage in the back of the class room. Gasping, she ran towards the cage with a huge smile on her face. “Awesome! It’s a parrot! Wait . . . why is a parrot in our classroom?” The tiny satan spawn skipped over to the red head. She awed at the small bird in front of her. She had long, soft feathers. She was a bright red, green and blue. She was only a baby, maybe about three years old or so. She had lots of fun rope toys and ladders to climb on in her cage. It was very cozy and warm for such a deserving bird. She seemed happy.  
“Mrs. Yukizome thought it would be fun if we got a class pet,” Hinata explained. “She said she’d always wanted a bird, so, that’s the story of how Peanut came here.”  
Saionji stuck her fingers in the cage to try and reach Peanut. 

“Come ‘ere you little shit, I want to pet you!”

Peanut waddled closer to Saionji, only to bite her and waddle away laughing, “Little shit! Little shit! Sqwak!” Saionji stumbled back in panic. Koizumeme’s mom instincts kicked in. “Bad bird! No biting!”

“She got what she deserved,” Hinata mumbled under his breath. Souda snorted.

The sound of clicking heals in the hallway was soft at first, getting louder as they came in the direction of the stairwell, to the classroom. Just then, a woman popped her head in to see the four ultimates, next to her new feathered daughter.“Who would expect some of my students to be here so early? Oh! I see you’ve all met peanut. Well, besides Hinata-kun. He was the one to help me find her in the first place,” Yukizome said cheerfully as she put her purse and coat down under her podium.

Souda chuckled and placed his arm around his ‘soul bother’s’ shoulders.   
“And he picked out a fine bird, indeed.” He was trying to refer to how Peanut bit Saionji but it sounded like he wanted to fuck the poor bird.

“Fuckin nerd.”

“Language, Saionji-kun.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Is THAT A DFICKIN DINOSAUR”?@ !1! ! !11!!1!!111!11." Everyone turned their head to the source of the obnoxious noise. This particular obnoxious noise just so happened to be carrying a giant guitar in her hands. Everyone in the room just kinda gave her a blank expression as if they were saying “…really?” Momhiru knew how to take care of this. She cleared her throat. “HECK FRICKNWS YEAH IT’S A DINOSAUR LKFRWEHUISDFBKJ RHAUWALW.”

Hinata started whimpering. “I hate this fucking family.”

Saionji knew that was her cue to leave. Well, more like her chance to escape. She slowly backed away and snuck out of the classroom before… it… came in.

While Mioda and Koizume were being… loud… Souda opened Peanut’s cage door and let her climb onto his finger.   
“Look guys! I’m Snow White!” 

Yukizome gasped. “No no nonononoononn no non o n. Souda-kun . . . just . . . calmly put her back . . .”  
Souda scrunched up his face in confusion. “Huh? Why? She’s not doing anything wro-“

“wHO SUMMONED ME.”

“aaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH”

*It* had shown up. *It* was . . . Nanami’s pink kitty backpack.

Ever since Nanami had overdosed on Cheetos and Mountain Dew, her pink kitty backpack has gone on total rampages. Flipping over tables, stealing bikes, ruining kid’s birthday parties, you name it.   
The ultimates and Yukizome were terrified. Once they had gotten through the shock of seeing *It* again, they knew what they had to do.

They all formed a circle around the backpack, trapping it by linking their arms together. They started humming the Tetris theme song. *It* started screaming like a demon being exorcised. Wind started circling around the room and leaves were suddenly whipping around (how tf did leaves get in here though?). After a few more seconds of aggressively humming the Tetris theme, the wind suddenly stopped as the kitty backpack fell to the ground. It only had five last words before it started to slowly disintegrate into ash, “I don’t feel so good. . .”

And just like that it’s over, we tend to our wounded, we count our dead. Black and white soldiers wonder alike if this really means freedom. “Not yet,” Yukizome said as she sat down on a nearby desk, catching her breath. All the students were exhausted. Souda carefully picked up Peanut and put her back into her cage.

Not long after, the rest of the students slowly funneled in as the bell rang. The other ultimates looked at their shaken peers and wondered what had happened.

“Nanami’s fuckin backpack came back again.”

“Ohhhh, that explains why your hair looks like you just had wild sex. Not that you would get any ass anyway, shark boy.”

“Shut the fuck up baby face. You look 12. No one would want to bang a 12 year old either.”

“Well at least I wasn’t dumb enough to get cucked by a parrot.”

“Sqwak! Get cucked! Get cucked! Sqwak!”

“I fuckin hate that thing.”


End file.
